a day in the life of a pool shark. meaning: ex.someone who is forced to the boundaries to watch others live their lives, and this feels unnatural for him/ her. ex. someone isolated, alone from the rest. forced to watch everyone from the sidelines.  i was a loner, i enjoyed being with others but i never felt i was truly there it was almost an experiment for me to learn how to be the person they want me to be. so for instance i watched how people reacted with me if i acted myself and not many people have ended up seeing the real me because of the reaction i got.  so i worked it out. you have the story tellers the listeners the quips the loudmouths the gossipers the comforters  the know it alls and there are many more but those are the basics of my ‘friend group’. i have been able to fulfill all these roles naturally and without any question from the others. i have been able to change my mannerisms and my attitude, my belief system. just to see the ripple effect that it makes. don’t get me wrong i would never do anything to hurt these people or cause any fights between them. i wouldn’t be able to. you see, i am a pool shark. i am on the outside i am only contacted randomly but people just expect me to be there. i am talking of are meeting point once a week at the same place same time all of us. i am never contacted by people that consider me their friend, but i think they made it very clear what type of people they are. well, at least i can see who they are. they pretend, they bitch, they lie about their own feelings in hope that none will find them out. the talk about the latest stuff and how they have to have it while someone sits in the corner away from the group with the know-it-all. the know it all thinks it’s a comforter but it is intelligent it just says everything bluntly and has a hint of narcissism to it. i as a pool shark someone will reach so far past the boundaries that i will be forced back into the little corner i came from, and they are shouting and screaming you don’t belong here, with us. you are nothing like us. you are nothing, compared to us. poppyx

a day in the life of a pool shark.

meaning:

ex.someone who is forced to the boundaries to watch others live their lives, and this feels unnatural for him/ her.

ex. someone isolated, alone from the rest. forced to watch everyone from the sidelines. 

i was a loner, i enjoyed being with others but i never felt i was truly there it was almost an experiment for me to learn how to be the person they want me to be. so for instance i watched how people reacted with me if i acted myself and not many people have ended up seeing the real me because of the reaction i got. 

so i worked it out.

you have the story tellers

the listeners

the quips

the loudmouths

the gossipers

the comforters 

the know it alls

and there are many more but those are the basics of my ‘friend group’.

i have been able to fulfill all these roles naturally and without any question from the others. i have been able to change my mannerisms and my attitude, my belief system. just to see the ripple effect that it makes.

don’t get me wrong i would never do anything to hurt these people or cause any fights between them.

i wouldn’t be able to.

you see, i am a pool shark. i am on the outside i am only contacted randomly but people just expect me to be there. i am talking of are meeting point once a week at the same place same time all of us.

i am never contacted by people that consider me their friend, but i think they made it very clear what type of people they are. well, at least i can see who they are.

they pretend, they bitch, they lie about their own feelings in hope that none will find them out. the talk about the latest stuff and how they have to have it while someone sits in the corner away from the group with the know-it-all. the know it all thinks it’s a comforter but it is intelligent it just says everything bluntly and has a hint of narcissism to it.

i as a pool shark someone will reach so far past the boundaries that i will be forced back into the little corner i came from, and they are shouting and screaming you don’t belong here, with us. you are nothing like us.

you are nothing, compared to us.

poppyx

he starts moving closer and hes not getting the hint
someone just gave me a long list of reasons why we should be together, and then they stumbled drunkardly closer too me. uuhh
just went onto the weird part of youtube
hey world… so i feel like crap today. need to talk about this tbh. want a little rantyrant this is a long story so i shall sum it up. my aunt hurt my nan by basically sending her hate mail and told my g’pa he should leave my nan. my aunt cut contact from me and the rest of my family in england aswell as us not having contact with her we had no contact from my two cousins and my uncle (her immediate family)  we had to deal with the pain she caused to my nan for a very long time, my nan went to see her not sure if she apologized before or after but anyway they now get along very well. but during this time my aunt has made no effort to contact the rest of us infact she has used facebook as a way of making me personally feel bad by using my cousins account on numerous occassions. recently my nan, g’pa and my cousin went out there to see them, which ment i was added to facebook by my aunt. i thought, great finally the family will get along like old times. i was wrong, she was lovely to me but it seems that after a few days she got sick of me deleted me off facebook and so did my uncle.  now if you know me, you know my story you know that i am not the sort of person who wouldn’t take this to heart, you know i love my family even if i don’t get on with them. when i found out they deleted me i went to look at my nans profile it seems that she had blocked me. which was very strange because the only thing my nan knows how to do on facebook is upload pictures of cats.  thing is the next day i get an email from my mum saying my nan is bawling her eyes out because she can no longer see me. this is just a theory but because of what my aunt has done in the past it is too obvious to ignore that she might have done it. i am so tired of the game she plays. i miss her and my cousins but god dammit this game that they are playing, i can’t be involved anymore. poppy. p.s: just as an add on i have been away in france for 3 weeks now and i miss my family and friends and this whole thing makes it fricken worse. :(

hey world…

so i feel like crap today.

need to talk about this tbh.

want a little rantyrant

this is a long story so i shall sum it up.

my aunt hurt my nan by basically sending her hate mail and told my g’pa he should leave my nan.

my aunt cut contact from me and the rest of my family in england aswell as us not having contact with her we had no contact from my two cousins and my uncle (her immediate family) 

we had to deal with the pain she caused to my nan for a very long time, my nan went to see her not sure if she apologized before or after but anyway they now get along very well.

but during this time my aunt has made no effort to contact the rest of us infact she has used facebook as a way of making me personally feel bad by using my cousins account on numerous occassions.

recently my nan, g’pa and my cousin went out there to see them, which ment i was added to facebook by my aunt.

i thought, great finally the family will get along like old times. i was wrong, she was lovely to me but it seems that after a few days she got sick of me deleted me off facebook and so did my uncle. 

now if you know me, you know my story you know that i am not the sort of person who wouldn’t take this to heart, you know i love my family even if i don’t get on with them.

when i found out they deleted me i went to look at my nans profile it seems that she had blocked me. which was very strange because the only thing my nan knows how to do on facebook is upload pictures of cats. 

thing is the next day i get an email from my mum saying my nan is bawling her eyes out because she can no longer see me.

this is just a theory but because of what my aunt has done in the past it is too obvious to ignore that she might have done it.

i am so tired of the game she plays. i miss her and my cousins but god dammit this game that they are playing, i can’t be involved anymore.

poppy.

p.s: just as an add on i have been away in france for 3 weeks now and i miss my family and friends and this whole thing makes it fricken worse. :(

hey world… so i am in france, i got a message on the 3rd from a lovely couple called Alice and Alex and they said they needed an au pair for their 4 year old son louis. so, i booked my flight to france for the 9th and here i am! salon-de-provence. so i have been here a week and i have a list of things i have done and what i need to do and want! the list {x} travel on the bus on my own {x} travel by train to marseille on my own (not so well getting back but that’s a story for another time) {x} have my first french lesson {x} make an acquaintance/ friend {x} be able to understand louis and vice versa (almost) {x} get inspiration { } learn french  { } visit provence { } go to paris { } speak efficient french etc… etc…. i will update on list activities… i miss you all very much xxx  saw daisy (my dog) today she heard my voice started to run around like a maniac, felt like i was gonna cry….pathetic right?

hey world…

so i am in france, i got a message on the 3rd from a lovely couple called Alice and Alex and they said they needed an au pair for their 4 year old son louis.

so, i booked my flight to france for the 9th and here i am! salon-de-provence.

so i have been here a week and i have a list of things i have done and what i need to do and want!

the list

{x} travel on the bus on my own

{x} travel by train to marseille on my own

(not so well getting back but that’s a story for another time)

{x} have my first french lesson

{x} make an acquaintance/ friend

{x} be able to understand louis and vice versa (almost)

{x} get inspiration

{ } learn french 

{ } visit provence

{ } go to paris

{ } speak efficient french

etc… etc…. i will update on list activities…

i miss you all very much xxx 

saw daisy (my dog) today she heard my voice started to run around like a maniac, felt like i was gonna cry….pathetic right?

from england to the world…. from england  france to the world I’M MOVING TO FRANCE!

from england to the world….

from england  france to the world

I’M MOVING TO FRANCE!